Either Way!
by Mako Streak
Summary: Captain Falcon has always prided his ability to get any young lady. He's never been serious. A onenight stand? Whatever. But Samus Aran... When he finally sees someone 'worthy' of him, it just happens to be someone who hates him. Peach and Zelda get invol
1. Fangirls are much better

**Captain Falcon has always prided himself on having so many rabid fangirls and his ability to hook any lady he wants. **

**He's never been serious.**

**Not ever. Okay, a one-night stand is okay. Take a random fan into bed for a night, forget her the next day. Gorgeous lady? So what- they tackle you the moment you step out of a door. Sexy supermodels, Ms. Galaxy's, etc.? Same old, same old. Prissy princesses can't outrace nor outfight him- a girl's just a girl... **

**He's never been serious. **

**Women are just women, they're just there to cheer your name and throw themselves at your feet. Turn on the charm, flash them a smile, they swoon and faint- sure, Captain Falcon can have any girl he wants.**

**But then he meets Samus Aran... And no amount of flirting's going to get through that armor or hers.**

**And then, the princesses Zelda and Peach get involved to try to hook the two up. When the rest of the Smashers are aware of Falcon's little problem and the fact that Samus can shoot a man out of a window, bets are placed, and the world turns upside down.****

* * *

**

"I don't get why you'd want a girlfriend. I mean, seriously. Fangirls are much better. You can just flash them a smile and they faint."

Link .finished sharpening his sword. Captain Falcon was sitting down nearby, jabbering his head off about all the ladies he'd met.

"Admirers are good. Worshippers are better. Now fangirls, you just need to step out of a door, and somehow they always see you! Of course it gets annoying after little while, but hey, I can't blame them. What girl can resist me-"

"Captain sir, Falcon, would you please SHUT UP?" Link restrained himself from hurling a boomerang, a bomb, and a few rocks at the cocky pilot.

But the racer merely tilted his head. "Jealous? Not my fault you don't have as many fans as I do."

Link restrained himself from grappling Falcon right there and tossing him to Netherland.

"Oo, jealous?"

The swordsman took a deep breath. "Let's put it this way. You're a ladies' man, Falcon, not a people person. And you are ANNOYING me. And I hope that we get paired up tomorrow so I can kick you all the way out of Corneria."

Falcon laughed. "You can't even _touch_ me, let alone throw me."

"Yes, because whenever we step into the arena, the brainless ninnies screeching your name shatters my mind. Empty-heads are contagious, Falcon, you passed it on to them."

"You know, I don't think that there's any girl out there NOT screaming my name." He grinned.

Link said, "..."

"You know, you're right." He looked serious for a moment.

_Oh no, the Apocolypse, Falcon's not talking about himself for one sentence-_

"No girl is good enough for me, eh?" He struck a pose and laughed. "Only one that can beat me up and beat the Grand Prix with me in it."

"And such a girl..."

"Does not exist."

"Who are you paired with tomorrow? I can't wait to see you beat up by Jigglypuff."

"Like you did?"

Link flushed but said nothing. His silence was an essay enough, or in Falcon's case, an excuse to go on talking about himself.

"Once, I was hunting down a Class-A criminal, and they had me surrounded. You should have seen it- they had their weapons pointed at me. But guess what? Did they kill me? Maim me? Scratch me to try to lower my good looks?"

"I wish," Link shot back.

Falcon laughed. "No, so I says, 'Lower your guns, boys, or I'll take out every last one of you.' And they says, 'Haha, you're cornered, Falcon, quit bluffing.' So you know what happens?"

Link rolled his eyes. Just his luck that he happened to be in a three-mile radius of the cockiest egocentric idiot in the universe.

"I jump over them! And while I'm in the air, I fire, and I hita bunch. Then the rest shot each other. Seriously, they thought they could take me down? The Great Falcon?" He laughed loudly. "And here you are, getting tossed out of the stadium by a Jigglypuff! Don't worry, laddie, you'll be half as good as me someday."

Link was not amused. _The Lame, Idiotic Falcon_, he thought. "Who are you training against?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

The racer shrugged. "Some guy name Samus Aran. Ever heard of him?"

Link grinned inwardly. Not only had he heard of that personhe got kicked in the air, thrown up, corkscrewed (No you perverts, the Up+B attack), and lasered out of the stadium by Samus. Falcon, the chauvanstic dolt, was in for a nasty surprise. "Er, no, I haven't, why?"

Falcon shrugged. "Because I'm about to whip his ass clear off the stadium-"

"Sssh! No cussing!" Link was suddenly in a good mood. He would ask Fox McCloud what's-his-face to borrow his vee-dee-oh cammie what's-it's-face. This was going to be fun.

* * *

_My sister and I play Super Smash Brothers (Nintendo 64) together a bunch. _

_I play Samus._

_She plays Captain Falcon. They have a lot in common- obnoxious, egocentric, hot-air headed,loud, and not to mention that they start talking and won't shut up. _

_We make a good team and kick butt. _

_I like Captain Falcon and Samus Aran. Most people consider our racer friend a (see above description) and blah blah blah (read almost every other fic in the section), and I can't disagree, but after getting to know his real character in the F-Zero series, I began to like the guy. He's not as much a chanvaunistic idiot as he seems, okay, chauvanistic, but not so idiotic. _

_I like Captain Falcon, but I love Samus. She is one of those characters that just stick to you and won't let you go, like in TADN (for FFTA), Sandath and Eponine, and Gukko and Raven. Yup._

_Oh yeah. I dedicate this story to my little sister, and one of the most insane, sleep-deprived, but most hilarious poems here- _

**Captain Falcon and his Female Counterpart**

by Celena Kanzaki. I read it before I begin typing this story!

Anyways. Two bounty hunters. One silent, the other louder than a bullhorn. This is gonna be fun.


	2. The Match Samus Aran vs Captain Falcon

First of all, Mako would like to thank you for the reviews.

But first a note!

I base who beats who on my previous VS matches. As you may know, my sister and I make a great team, I playing Samus and she playing Captain Falcon. Depending on who we beat and who we were defeated by, I partially base these matches.

**Hylian- Princess- Thank you! Of course I don't ditch my story, friend! I apologize for the grammar errors, but the wordsthataresometimessquishedtogether are unavoidable on my DOCUMETS tab for some reason. But I do assure you, I take great pride in my grammar and try to deliver the best story to you.**

**Safe Runner- Aww... But no point in not liking it, you gotta admit, a stoic, serious statue with an obnoxiously loathesome rooster is quite a funny match.**

**Red the Rhino- Aww, thank you!**

**Foxdude33- Yep, so far so good, thankfully!**

* * *

The Announcer was away. The control room sat empty. The microphone was alone. The camera stood unattended and desolate. Why?

Duh. It was a training match. And it hadn't even started. In fact, the field was deserted. No one was there. You get it? Good, because that was two hours ago.

A strange pair of opponents stood on opposite sides of a large mothership. The Great Fox was diving through the galaxies, and overhead, an occasional Arwing zipped by, pummeling lasers to any unfortunate warrior in the way.

On one side, Captain Falcon stood, attempting to intimidate his opponent by making big muscles and taunting.

On the other side, oblivious to the taunts and chavanistic character, stood Samus Aran, a figure in a futuristic Chozo armor, standing so still that the fighter may have just been part of the setting. The 'statue' beeped.

_You have very big muscles, Falcon, too bad that I can't say the same about the contents of your head. _Samus wasn't one of those superficial dolts who were intimidated by bulging muscles and brawn. But then again, when armed with a plasmic laser-cannon, who would?

But of course, our good friend didn't understand binary.

All of a sudden, the a light went on. 3...!

2...!

1...!

GO!

The GO! triggered something in Falcon's head. Maybe it wasn't so big and empty as we thought, or maybe spending his entire life racing built in some sort of instinct to the command "GO!"

Anyways, whatever it was, Falcon sprinted forward and grabbed-

Thin air.

"Huh?"

A little orange ball rolled behind him. An item? Where was Samus? In fustration, he kicked the ball as hard as he could, only to be grabbed by the ankle and thrown up in the air. There was a flash, and then a robotic figure shot up below him-

"FALCON KICK!" he screamed, confident that the challenger would be startled. He plummetted down, a plume of flame and fire.

Sure enough, Samus was sent spiralling downwards, but as he closed in, a round-house kick sent the racer sprawling backwards. A plasmic laser ball shot by overhead, which he narrowly avoided. As the attacker sprinted forward at no exceedingly speedy pace, Falcon met his opponent with a stalemate. Punches locked, the green lens glittered menacingly. They seemed to glare with a light of their own.

Falcon forced a grin. This was the first actual challenge he had had in a long time. "You're good," he commented in his usual cocky tone.

Samus's head lowered in a slight nod before a grappling laser shot out, barely missing him.

Falcon suddenly realized that this was no Link he was fighting. He ran up the slope and saluted, one hand on his waist.

"Show me your moves!"

Samus's green lenses sparkled as the futuristic warrior complied.


	3. The Amazon

Thank you for the reviews! Note that if you want updates, then Mako here pleads for a review to motivate her. More reviews, faster, better updates! Less reviews, Mako cries.

**Jhon- Oh yippee! You followed me from the FFTA section to here! I'm so glad you're here. Cocky, bastard, eh? Agreed! Trust me, there's going to be a LOT of Falcon-idiocy coming up.**

**Hoogiman- Ah, a fellow SSB(M) writer! Thanks! Oh, take your time on TSAR, I just said please update as a customary to say "I like your story and want to read more." **

Without further ado, let the chapter begin!

* * *

Poor Link! He was so terribly disappointed that Falcon did not get blown up, grappled and thrown away, and stuffed up a cannon just for good measure by Samus. Instead, an Arwing above did the dirty work. 

It went something like this:

With only one Chance left each, the two were fighting all-out now, with neither tiring nor giving in. Link was watching from a convienient screen quite a bit aways, and some sort of cute but annoying little pink fluffball bythe name of Kirbywas chomping down on all his popcorn. So after a shouting match, the elf went off to get his own popcorn. When in the kitchen, the popping sound was suddenly eclipsed by a huge BOOM!

He immediately rushed out to see, but the only he saw were the two flying in opposite directions as lasers pummeled them away.

The screen went back to its usual dormant blue state- the match was over. Link cursed.

* * *

"You fought well," Falcon told Samus. The helmet nodded. "Just too bad that the damn plane saved you. That was the first real fight I had in a long time, and that's saying a lot!" He flashed a white grin. 

Samus didn't respond but just stared.

Falcon cocked an eyebrow. "Don't do that, some people might get the wrong idea about us, you know. But if you were a girl, trust me, you and me would be out to dinner before you know it! Just too bad you're not, I've always wanted a girl that could fight." He laughed.

Samus actually wasn't staring at him, but then again, our egocentric friend had no idea of knowing.

Inside the metallic helm, Samus was running a quick system check, just to make sure that nothing was damaged. Even though all injuries somehow were relieved after the fight, it was never too good to be careful after the X-parasite incident. And that was a good thing she was cautious...

WHAM! There was a loud thwacking noise, and an assassin tumbled down from the rafters above, Samus's cannon-arm whacking him firmly from behind the head. Falcon grinned.

"People trying to kill you too? I know what you mean, it's exciting at first, but now it's just plain annoying. Well, I'd better be off, fangirls tend to explode if they don't see you for more than ten minutes-" He stopped abruptly as Samus took the helmet off.

A waterfall of golden hair spilled out from the suit. Icy blue eyes appeared, nestled in a pale face.

Now, Captain Falcon had seen many beautiful ladies. The princesses were beautiful, that was for sure, but Peach somehow was too silly and was cute rather than pretty, and Zelda was somehow just too stiff and too proper a lady, couldn't fight, and had two genders. She was beautiful, but in a more domestic way, like a noblewoman.

But this lady was a work of art, a masterpiece. Somehow her face was delicately pointed but not like Link's sharp chin. It held the ferocity of a vicious fighter but the sadness of someone gone through many trials on her own and grown up too hard and too fast. Her lips were soft-looking and pouty. Unlike a make-up clown freak, it was a delicate soft red, not a bright new-sportscar red. No docile look hung about her. It was as if nothing domestic and mudane had ever touched that face- she held a sort of wild, dangerous beauty. If Zelda was a noblewoman, than here was an Amazon. This was no little mad fangirl. This was no lady-like princess. She was beautiful, and Falcon was utterly besotted.

"…insert a few gurgling nosies…"

Samus Aran brushed the thing film of sweat off her face, grabbed the assassin's collar and started to walk off.

"Y-You're a girl?"

She stopped, looked around, and gave a cool nod."I have a bounty to turn in." With that, she left, leaving the captain utterly stunned.

* * *

_Yes, I know that the whole assassin leaping from the rafter things was totally lame. Originally, it was that he jumped out of a locker, and there was this conversation in the second chapter with someone ordering the assassin to kill Samus, but it was even cheesier and I took it out. I just needed an excuse to add more character and background to Samus._

Thank you for reading! Please leave a review, please?

-Mako


	4. FOOD FIGHT!

_Welcome back! Thanks for reading, friend... For this chapter, all I can say is..._

**FOOD FIGHT!**

Oh yeah.

Hylian Princess- Glad you liked it! Yep, our unfeathery friend JUST noticed that. Thanks for reading! Stick around and perhaps you'll even get to see... Well, I can't say it without giving the plot away! Thanks so much for reviewing!

Hoogiman- Good chapter? Ah, thank you for coming here!

Jhon 117- Well, glad to have you here! Yep, the assassin-from-the-rafters I agree is overused, but for a good reason- it gives us an excuse to let the character beat the wits out of someone deserving it. I love the You're-a-girl? line... Overused to the point of classical! Thanks for reading!

* * *

That evening, at dinner, all the Smashers sat down together. They were a motley assortment definitely, and exciting-

"Give-a that back-a!" Mario raced around the room in the pursuit of a green dinosaur, holding an egg that contained the plumber's beloved hat.

"Yoshi!" he chirped before running up into the air and into the stew.

_Splash._

Princess Peach squealed as the stew splattered all over her. The parasol saved some of her from damage, but her dress was... Cooked.

'YOSHIIIIIII!" Yoshi cried, his rump and tail stuck firmly into the pot.

"I'm hungry!" Ness whined. Young Link nodded.

"I bet I'm HUNGRIER!"

"No, I am!"

"Pika!"

"I'm so hungry I could eat Kirby!" Ness declared, and grabbed the unfortunate (and peacefully munching on some bread) Kirby and attempted to stuff the pink creature in his mouth.

"Whaaaat?" Kirby wailed. He waved his stubby arms madly.

"No! Ness, stop that!" Zelda attempted to yank Kirby away, but tripped and landed on Jigglypuff and sent a plate of potatoes flying into Young Link's face.

"FOOD FIGHT!" He threw a meatball as hard as he could at Mario.

"Wha- I didn't-a do anything-a to you!"the plumber grabbed Fox's dinner plate and heaved the contents at the little boy, who reflected it onto Zelda, who was still lying on Jigglepuff.

Marth screamed a fierce battlecry but was abruptly cut off by Roy's own mashed potates flung from a makeshift catapult.

"Oh no!" Zelda cried. "This is most definitely crude behavoir- HEY!" The Hylian Princess looked miffed as fruit punch was added to her hairdo. "Whoever did that is going down!" There wasa flash of light, and Sheik began to throw bread rolls faster than the eye could follow.

"Help! HELP!" Peach screamed as she used her parasol to shield against the raging food.

Everyone jumped up at once to 'help.' As you can guess, chaos broke loose.

Luigi excused himself to go to the bathroom. Falcon ginned and snatched up the stew pot with Yoshi still in it and hurled it at a random food-hurling assailent.

Yes, just another typical day at the Smash Central, except for one thing...

* * *


	5. An Egnima and Reconciltation

Dear Reader, this is Mako Streak again! Thanks for coming here.

_Hoogiman- How is this related? Oh, sorry, I guess I should have combined the last chapter with this one, but then it made it WAY too long. Well, FOOD FIGHT! was a prelude, and introduction to this to add the background and mood and the such. The last sentance referred to Samus though... Well, I agree, I shoulda put in Falcon more, but I decided to give the others the spotlight for a while._

_Jhon 117- Ah, sorry, you're right, it is a bit unbalanced without this chapter to go with it. Like I said above, originally, these two chapters were combined. The original transition didn't work, so I had to put in that. Sorry! ducks the Fox Fire and dives into the bomb shelter_

_Black Light Princess- Yays- a new reader! Glad to have you here! Okay, longer chapters! Like this? I'm so glad you liked it_! _I sure hope you'll stick around for more! _

The famous armor hung on its own special rack. Technical instruments whirred and buzzed about. Occasionally, a computer on the desk beeped an update.

For the first time since she came, Samus decided to eat dinner with everyone else. Every evening, when she sat down with Army food or some sort of powerbar and protein shake or something, huge crashes resounded from the dining room, followed by loud screaming and the general din of mayhem. Her curiosity was perked, but her more practical side argued that there was no use in investigating, as she might be drawn into a fray she didn't care about. But it might just be better to get a good idea of who she was up against... She set off down the stairs, leaving her Chozo armor to charge.

* * *

Samus sighed in annoyance as the only seat available (for obvious reasons) was beside the obnoxious, loathsome, _sexist_ racer. 

The moment she sat down, Falcon grinned and leaned over.

"You're looking nice tonight."

Samus cast him a steely glare and continued watching the food fight. "Nnnphm."

Falcon frowned. Most ladies immediately blushed and started stammering. Maybe flattery would work.

"Your bodysuit fits very nicely-"

Samus glared.

He sighed theatrically. "Baby, you're one hard nut to crack."

Samus glared _again._ "Shut up."

Falcon had had experiences before of random girls wearing barely anything in an attempt to impress him. Often times, they were those people that had already hit puberty but didn't look anything like it.

So it was an ironic shame that when someone (in his hormone-induced opinion) _should_ be wearing a bikini, they were always wearing a full armor. Hmph. Especially someone with so much of nature's _padding _where it mattered.

He feigned sadness. "No one asked you to be so mean! Come to my room, we can play there-"

Samus got up and prepared to leave the pervert.

Falcon frowned. "You know, if you really don't want me to hit on you, then don't wear that bodysuit! It makes me want to-"

Samus grabbed her plate and slammed it over Falcon's head as hard as possible. That being done, she decided that maybe dinner today wasn't exactly nice. And she was just thinking that when Ness's mashed potatoes adhered itself to the back of her head.

The room went deadly silent, as they realized that their localenigma was here for the first time. Ness went deadly pale as Samus turned around.

"You are all insane," she told them, annunciating every syllable so it sounded like YOOoou ARRRE allLLLL INssssANNNNE!

With that, Samus gave Captain Falcon a parting slap and stormed her way back upstairs, snarling sarcasticallyover her shoulder, "I'm going to bed now, GOOD NIGHT all of you!"

"She's pretty," Link said, drooling. Then her last sentence entered his head. "HEY!" he yelled, getting up. "Can I come too?"

Zelda glared.

"I never knew she was a girl..." Marth mused.

* * *

_Knock knock. _

Samus scowled. She was in the middle of sending a transmition back to the Federation to collect the bounty earlier.

_Knock knock._

"Come on," Samus growled, a bit of her agitation escaping.

The door opened. It was the Elvin fairy princess person. "Samus, right?"

Samus grunted a reply and continued wavering the signal point.

Zelda came in and sat down beside her. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I know Falcon's the biggest butthead in the world, but he's decent once you get to know him…"

Samus grunted another reply and continued typing.

Zelda sighed. She had never met someone with such a steely exterior before. Samus was not friendly at all apparently. The figure seated before the strange contraption called a COM-poo-ta radiated iron and ice. There was no emotion at all. Although a young woman like her should have been blossoming with joy and vigor, the total mechanical absence of that was unnerving. That was when she noticed the various metallic machine parts embedded in Samus, foremostly from her point of view, a strange thinglike ametalcomputerchip-disk-thingin her lower back..

"You're…"

Samus grunted.

Zelda sighed. "Well, I know that the first meeting wasn't exactly wonderful, but tomorrow the boys are going out. Everyone's going except for Popo, who's staying with Nana. So it's just us girls." Zelda attempted a warm, friendly smile as Samus's gaze hovered her way.

Samus nodded and for the first time since the Princess entered, said something understandable. "Good. I never very much liked Falcon."

Zelda hid a smile. "He's a good guy, really. Anyways, we're all just… Hanging out in the common room. It'd be great if you could join us." She smiled.

Samus gave her a curt nod. "I'll see."

"Good night then!" Zelda smiled brightly and headed out the door, leaving Samus to her own thoughts.

* * *

Once outside, the only other princess stood, a mixture of concern and annoyance on her face. 

"She was so _rude_ to you, Zelda!" Peach exclaimed indignantly. "I mean, you were just trying to be friendly!"

"No, I'm sure that she has reason to act that way…"

Peach sighed. "You're such a sweetie, Zel, but really, that was arrogant of Aran to act that way to you."

Zelda smiled. "After her little meeting with Falcon, I wouldn't be amazed she acts that way. I've heard a bit about her past… It's sad, really. I think she just needs some time… We must retain good relations with everyone at all costs, and us girls must stick together."

The other woman smiled. "If you say so."

"Let's go join the others now," Zelda suggested. Peach nodded.

"Hey, I wonder when the new make-up set I ordered is coming in..."


End file.
